Rules of Thumb for the Age of Doom

Anyone who claims that if you don’t know your history, you are doomed to relive it, is boring.

Anyone who claims that you are entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts is boring.

“Anyone dumb enough to wanna be in the military should be allowed in,” said the late great Bill Hicks. It was one of the few things he got wrong. Anyone dumb enough to wanna be in the military is too dumb to be trusted with a weapon. So getting gays into the military is not the issue. The issue is getting heterosexuals out of the military. They’re the ones who are shooting civilians for sport and taking trophies. Anyone who gets jazzed about equal rights for war criminals is boring.

As the Huffington Post gets bigger and bigger, it gets harder and harder to find the stuff that’s worth reading, unless you’re actually interested that Kim Kardashian bought a purse for $30,000.

Most men in the United States know they don’t have a chance with Kim Kardashian and they resent it. The fundamental problem here is class, not sexism.

Mayor Bloomberg is worth $20 billion, according to Forbes magazine. Were his S.A.T. scores that much higher than mine?

Mayor Bloomberg could build the recently scuttled rail tunnel from New York to New Jersey with his own money and still have enough left over to buy Kim Kardashian 500,000 purses.

I could buy Kim Kardashian a purse and not eat for a couple of years.

Columnists speak longingly of Mayor Bloomberg running for President as a third party of the “radical center.” So instead of having a ruling class stooge run the country, we can dispense with the stooge and have the ruling class run it directly. Now there’s an idea we haven’t tried since George Bush.

Mayor Bloomberg is less imperiously obnoxious than Ed Koch or Rudy Giuliani. That’s something, but it would be more impressive if he built the rail tunnel to New Jersey with his own money.

Whatever Mayor Bloomberg does with his money, he’s boring. Every time he opens his mouth, I expect him to claim that if you don’t know your history, you’re doomed to relive it.

I don’t know if he’s said that or not, because he’s so boring that I can’t listen to him.

I would bet you that he has said it.

I talked to a journalist who worked for Bloomberg News once. He said it was really boring.

I approve of Mayor Bloomberg’s efforts to stamp out smoking in the city, but if I had to work for him, I would find lung cancer an attractive alternative.

Supplicating before Mayor Bloomberg won’t convince him to build the rail tunnel with his own money.

Mayor Bloomberg is so boring that I forgot his first name.